Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Advice, please?

I have been dating a guy for about a month, and I really like him. In a cheesy way I haven't liked anyone since before I started dating. He has slipped on the Love word a few times when tipsy, and I know he really cares about me as well. Problem is he smokes very occasionally.
Whenever he does, it's just a thing him and his best
friend do. They have forever and that is the reason they do now.

Even Dave will be learning something new here. I dated a man, around 2 years ago, who would hurt me. It wasn't something as simple as emotional abuse, it was often physical. I hid bruised ribs, bruised legs and upper arms, explained away a few black eye to friends and family, and even a few broken digits [2 toes and my left index finger which is slightly crooked now.] I took his abuse for over 3 months before he moved away. I never even gained the courage to leave him, he treated me like he did, and than left me. I was so lonely at that point in my life that the nice attention he gave me, occasionally, was what kept me coming back. And this man smoked. And what he used to do...He knew I disliked the smell, and smoke in general. He would take a big puff and breath it in my face. Eyes stinging, and worrying that my parents would find out by the smell on my skin I would beg him to stop, and eventually he would.

It is unfair, and I know it's not something he caused, but every time I strongly smell cigarettes, or when they guy I am dating kisses me after smoking I go to that awful place, and feel so small. I have tried not to let it bother me, and when I just couldn't deal with it anymore, I told him that the smell bothered me and a very light version of why it bothered me. I thought that it would be enough, but when I told him he was half drunk, and upset with me for refusing his advances at kissing him. He didn't and doesn't understand why it bothers me so much, but he knows how much it bothers me and tonight his friend was over, he grabbed a cigarette, and sheepishly said "Sorry...." and went out to smoke. And I left hurt, and angry. I covered it, so he doesn't now how hurt I was. I know if he knew, in detail, why it bothered me so much, he might not smoke when he is with me, but I know I wouldn't require that from him... If he asked me to change something like that, I would, even if it was "Thing" he does with, and has done with his friend for ages.

The advice I need is how I should proceed. Should I:

1. Explain, when he is at full capacity, and see what he says.
2. End things.
3. Emotionally eat, and see what other options are available when I don't feel so hurt.


  1. If you want to keep seeing him, I think you need to find a good moment to sit down and have a heart to heart with him about the situation. You can't force him to change, but if he seriously cares about the relationship he won't smoke around you.

    Only you can decide if you want to keep seeing him, just remember that there are lots of other great guys out there, this isn't your only chance at something.

  2. El Genio, you font choice was in white, so your comment is there, but invisible. Thanks for the feedback, I fell similarly, I Just want this decision to be the right one, and I think I know the answer.

  3. How did this turn out???


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